The Decent
There is a family of three and their names are Joel Williams the caring work hard father,Karen Williams the sneaky modern America wife,and last of all The pride and joy of Joel and Karen was Claire Williams their cheerful honor roll attaining daughter. The Williams in a quiet suburban area of Washington DC and the date was January,24th 2015. The family was just getting back into the swing of things after a vacation to Hawaii.
On the 25th of January everyone got dressed and went their separate ways but before they left for work and school Claire said to her parents "Bye i love you guys" Claire said and her father and mother replied "Have a good day honey" they said. Once everyone returned home they all had dinner and Claire Proceeded to talk about their day Karen asked Joel "How was your day honey" he replied "Fine, how about yours?" he asked Karen replied "Great we got to meet a new coworker". Amidst the conversation Joel and Karen had they were wondering why Claire was so quiet, usually she's bright and cheerful at the dinner table.
That night Joel and Karen woke up to the sounds of screams in the bathroom, Joel sped,like a phantom to the aid of his daughter while Karen went and grabbed a bat but to their surprise Claire was fine except for a large a puddle of blood on the floor. To their amazement she wasn't going through that time of the month so Joel and Karen rushed her to the family doctor. At their doctors office the doctor's assistant did the checkup and had some bad news for Joel and Karen.
When the doctor came into the hallway, he had a grim expression pasted across his face as he came up to Joel and Karen. Her parents knew that from his expression that something bad was about to be said, the doctor finally was sanding in front of them and he said in a monotone rasp "Mrs and Mr Williams we have ran the tests and concluded that your daughter has amassed a cancerous tumor on her left kidney." As the time passed Mr and Mrs Williams finally processed what doctor Tim just told them and they burst into a storm of tears, wailing and screaming all across the hallway.
That night Joel and Karen woke up to the sounds of screams in the bathroom, Joel sped,like a phantom to the aid of his daughter while Karen went and grabbed a bat but to their surprise Claire was fine except for a large a puddle of blood on the floor. To their amazement she wasn't going through that time of the month so Joel and Karen rushed her to the family doctor. At their doctors office the doctor's assistant did the checkup and had some bad news for Joel and Karen.
When the doctor came into the hallway, he had a grim expression pasted across his face as he came up to Joel and Karen. Her parents knew that from his expression that something bad was about to be said, the doctor finally was sanding in front of them and he said in a monotone rasp "Mrs and Mr Williams we have ran the tests and concluded that your daughter has amassed a cancerous tumor on her left kidney." As the time passed Mr and Mrs Williams finally processed what doctor Tim just told them and they burst into a storm of tears, wailing and screaming all across the hallway.
Hey Anthony is this story finished? There are a few errors you need to finish it to get a decent grade.
ReplyDeleteSetting: 2
ReplyDeleteConflict: 3
Characters:3
Dialogue:2
Requirements:2
Spelling and Punctuation:3
Sum 15 x 4 + 4 = 65%
Setting: 2
ReplyDeleteConflict: 3
Characters:3
Dialogue:2
Requirements:2
Spelling and Punctuation:3
Sum 15 x 4 + 4 = 65%